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LOST in CROWDS

by *spandrel

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1.
(so blurry) 01:47
transparent in the shower, i've been untwined, blurried; my spatial perception is no longer intuitive. i use the running lines of water as a compass, never lifting the sponge from the contour of my body for fear of losing it.
2.
with sweat - smoke seeps from my hair with sweat - ammonia singes the air i spoon it through my nostrils now immune, this is my excuse with sweat - the way that I sleep with sweat- oh, it's going to kill me it's going to kill me
3.
They put us in dog blocks fed us crumbed Pop-Tarts I just want to go to school punished for making pools I will go into mine putting my friends in line Dented plastic figurines seeking one small reprieve There will be a day when you find yourself holding hands with your smaller on the path to Abilify
4.
just the sound of neighborly sex acts razoring your walls
5.
asleep for less than an hour i've got staples in my side, the flesh bunched up and bruised i went to bed feverish, and now it feels like i'm packed on ice something terrible rumbles through my gut something like deep tremors, a rupturing... i split open like a milkweed pod. i'm a hull stuffed with cotton breathing but quickly drying up, my new insides absorbing the plasma, leaving dark iron stains. nothing's being re-circulated, i become completely enveloped in scab - i've become a miracle of taxidermy.
6.
(i get lost 01:50
listen, i've been walking, dragging this parachute - silk rent with stigmata. the foundation of my house is made of rotten teeth and sinks into the earth.
7.
in crowds) 03:41
i get lost in crowds. those bastards leering; two-headed, three-headed, five-headed monsters surrounding me; telephones screeching; knuckles bursting blisters; slurring pathogens; trepidation. forget it.

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released January 16, 2020

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*spandrel Columbus, Ohio

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